Sometimes I Have The Advice and Sometimes I Need It, Too

My posts on here seem to be lacking and for that, I apologize.

I’ve just been so focused on trying to get my writing routine back for my w.i.p that I have sort of neglected this blog. It wasn’t intentional. It just happened.

I’ve been feeling kind of frustrated lately, maybe a bit…lonely, I guess. My social life has been quickly disappearing before my eyes and it really sucks. Ever since I graduated college, things haven’t really been all that easy. I still can’t find a job… I’m still living at home with the family (and they drive me crazy, let me tell you), I have bills piling up and my friends are doing their own thing.

But, whenever they need me, I’m always there. I always make time for those who need me. I’ve been giving advice like crazy to people because I don’t want them to have to suffer through things alone. If I can help, okay.  I’m not the best romance expert in the world (in fact, my experience isn’t all that great, to be honest), but if my friend is having trouble with guy issues, I’ll do my best.

My friends say I should have been a therapist instead. I should have been a life coach or something because I’m so supportive and willing to help people.  I guess it’s just in my nature to want to help someone.

I’ve been through a lot of dark days and I wouldn’t want anyone to have to experience that.

I guess I just get irritated when I’m the one with some problems and nobody listens to me. I try to talk about it and they just change the subject back to themselves. Sometimes, I need to talk about things.. and all this guy talk lately has been depressing. It makes me feel lonely because I’ve been single for so long. I used to say I didn’t care, but now? I don’t know. There’s a lot of pressure for girls to settle down and get married around here. And when you’re single, you get labeled as an “old maid.” It’s frustrating.

I had to break up with a guy a couple of years ago because he wouldn’t listen to what I had to say. He would whine and complain because I “never talked to him” but, he didn’t see that when I tried to, he would go off and say he had other things to do. He would log off messenger because he had to play video games with his buddy. I soon realized video games and his friends were more important than me. I deserved better than that.

I’m sure I’ll get it one day…right?

Things I Need To Remember

Lately, I’ve been kind of stressed. I have deadlines I have to meet, family drama, financial issues. Life is funny like that. It only makes you stronger, right?

So, I made up a list of things I need to remember when I get so stressed out. You have to appreciate the small things in order to make it through.

1. I’m a college graduate. Some people don’t have that kind of opportunity. Granted, I’ll probably be paying off student loans until I’m an old, old lady, I still have a degree that I’m proud of. One day, I’ll get a job with said degree lol
2. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. Some people don’t have that luxury either.
3. I’m healthy
4. My family is healthy.
5. My friends are healthy.
6. No matter how stressful it can get, I’m making progress with my book, and my beta reader loves it. That must mean it’s not as horrible as my mind like to think it is.
7. One day, I’m going to accomplish my dreams and people will take notice. It just takes time.
8. Life is short and we must live while we still can.
9. I beat my anxiety disorder even when I got off the medication. I can do anything I put my mind to.
10. I’m a unique person. Nobody out there is just like me. I take pride in that.
11. Fighting for what you believe in is worth the struggle.
12. In August I’m going to Warped Tour (an outdoor music festival for those who don’t know).  I’ll be seeing this band below play live for the fourth time in around two years.

Pierce The Veil

I’m starting to remember that life isn’t so bad. All you need to do is just breathe and live your life the best you can.

Obsessed

In a previous post, I talked about when I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and how I managed to overcome it. Briefly, I mentioned another disorder that I had, but never went into full detail.

I have obsessive compulsive disorder.

It’s not that uncommon anymore. There are like 3 television shows (in America at least) about people who have it. So, the exposure is out there. People aren’t really shying away from it. OCD runs in my family like the anxiety disorder. My younger brother and I are the ones who seemed to really be plagued with this illness.

My brother does things with numbers. He will do things repeatedly before he feels comfortable stopping. He’ll turn the lights on and off over and over again. The other day, I watched him pick the remote control up seven times before he left for work. There are times when he’s almost late for things because he has to do these things. If he doesn’t, he feels like something is going to go wrong.

For me, it’s all about the hand washing. A few years ago, it was a nightmare. I was washing my hands compulsively around 20-30 times a day for around 3 minutes. With scalding hot water, no less. Why? Because it was something I needed to be in control with, and I viewed germs as a nasty, dirty thing. I wanted my hands to be perfectly clean. I needed them to be perfectly clean. There was no other way around it. If I couldn’t wash my hands, I had a break down. I felt like I was going to catch some horrible disease.

The result of this constant washing wasn’t nice to see. I wish I had pictures of what my hands looked like back then. They were red and cracked, peeling and sometimes bloody. It wasn’t easy to look at, but again, my head was telling me it was okay.

But, it wasn’t, and I know that now.

Another thing I had were the obsessive, compulsive thoughts that I was going to die. This usually brought on the anxiety attacks. Horrible thoughts popped into my head at the most random of times like if I didn’t wash my hands, I was going to get cancer or something. It was an every day, all day thing.

After my time with therapy, I’m finally in control and I know those habits are not good. There are times when I find myself at the sink washing my hands when I just washed them a few minutes ago. It’s not an easy battle to fight, but I plan on winning the war.

If you know someone with O.C.D, don’t judge them for it. Be patient and understanding. Make sure they know that they’re not alone. It’s not easy to get through this when you know that people are always watching you and judging you for what you have no control over.

If you are someone who suffers from this, know that you’re not alone. Sometimes, it may seem like it, but you’re not. It may be hard to finally stand up and tell O.C.D that you’re not going to suffer any longer, but you can do it.  If you find yourself alone and not sure how to cope, click here and the web site has support ready.

The Ups and Downs of Life

A few months ago, a friend of mine was going through a bad break up. His girlfriend broke up with him via Facebook and he was a complete mess. My heart went out to him because I know break ups are never fun (I can only imagine how a break up would be via a social networking site like Facebook..) He told me he had never felt so bad before. It was like his heart was being wrenched out of his chest. I let him vent, not interrupting…just letting him talk. I wanted him to get all that negativity out, so it wouldn’t fester inside. After he was finished, he asked me for advice. I told him this:

“What you have to remember is that life is full of ups and downs. Unfortunately, the downs of life feel like they last a lot longer than the ups, but those ups in life are worth it.”

Basically, I wanted him to know that yeah, he was going through one of those downs in life. These happen to all of us, but no matter what, he will see happy times. Good things will come his way.  I can only think that we aren’t given more than we can bear. It may feel like we are, but I have to remain positivity. With the dark days I can experience, I think of all the things that make me happy

• Family
• Friends
• My writing
• Music
• My pets
• Billy Hamilton from Silverstein (who I want to meet and tell him how amazing he is…honestly)
• Reading great books
• The smell of freshly washed sheets
• Oh, and coffee. I love the smell of fresh coffee
• In fact, caffeine  in general makes me really, really happy…
• Listening to the new album by Pierce The Veil. Their songs help inspire the novel I’m writing.

Okay, my list is rather long, but that’s some of it. I’ll add more in later posts. I encourage all to make a “Happy List” and refer back to it when having a bad day. It really helps to have a reminder of the things that make you feel better and that things aren’t always so bad.