Life Goes On

Oh, rejection. How I am too familiar with you…..

I must say that I really despise the whole thing, but I realize that it’s apart of life. It happens to everyone. Either with jobs, family, love, friends.  I’ve experienced it all, so I should be a professional at brushing myself off and moving on when it happens to me.  But, unfortunately, I’m not.

Back in August, I started talking to this guy who lives a couple of hours away. We “met” via the internet by a mutual friend but had never met in person. I was always a cautious person. I have this invisible wall around me that tends to guard me from any potential pain. I suppose that can get annoying after awhile to any guy who tries to get around it. None of them really stick around long enough to break down that wall. So there it stands…

Anyways, this guy (we shall name him Pete for the sake of privacy..) and I hit it off pretty well when we started to talk. We both loved music and he wrote poetry.  He loved to listen to my stories and was always interested in hearing about how my day went. Pete listened to me….. he actually talked to me about things. So, after awhile, he wanted to meet up, but things kept getting in the way. My family has been dealing with the death of my step-father back in September and things have been in a constant state of chaos ever since. Basically, things kept getting thrown in the way,  so we couldn’t get a day where we both were free. As frustrating as that was, he said that he’d remain patient and have confidence that it’ll happen.

I suppose his patience doesn’t last as long as he said.  Last week, he told me that he started talking to a girl online and they had a lot in common. I mean, a lot. I guess she really is his perfect match…. the ultimate “nerd” girl that he probably needs. He is an anime junkie and so is she (while I’m not..), they both love  Japanese music (while I listen to punk rock/hardcore…), they’re both obsessed with video games (while I could care less..). It’s all right there. But, he told me not to worry too much about it because I was this awesome girl he couldn’t imagine hurting.

On Saturday, I logged onto facebook and saw his relationship status had changed.He was now in a relationship with Anime Girl… a girl he hasn’t even met yet. I asked him about it and he told me it just happened. They decided to “make it official” early Saturday morning while talking online. He didn’t want to hurt me… but I wasn’t putting him first. I guess he felt I was making excuses and wouldn’t let him in. It’s the usual thing I hear from guys.  That wall can be a bitch…

He still wants to be friends.  The thing that made me mad was how he said: “You know, this could be good for us. We can get to know each other better as friends and see from there. I don’t know if my relationship is going to work or not…” It’s like he’s putting me on reserve as a potential rebound girl.  I’m not someone you can just put on reserves and expect to be still there if something goes wrong. It doesn’t work that way.

I should be used to this end result by now. It’s always the same thing. They tell me how wonderful I am…how awesome and amazing a girl I am…and then they choose someone else.  It’s a low blow to my ego, but it happens. They always leave.

But, I’m not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself because some douche decided I wasn’t good enough. That’s life, you know. I just have to pick myself and keep looking.  You can’t hide from rejection and disappointment. This only fuels my writing anyways. It enhances my emotions and brings out the best creativity in me. So, he has done me a favor really. He has made me stronger.

I think the next time one of my friends decides to “introduce” me to guys via facebook, I’m going to say no though… ha ha.

Say It Like You Mean It

I’ll be honest…. this week has sucked.  My writing has been slow and I’ve been easily distracted.  Every time I turn around I’m dealing with someone’s drama that they have created. Being the good friend I am, I’ll put away whatever I’m working on to help them out. I don’t mind doing that at all. But, there comes a point when you’re going to have to do it on your own. They can’t rely on me all the time. Figure it out on your own. Write your e-mails to stupid boys by yourself. It’s not my problem.

Why am I so frustrated right now? Last night, I tried to help someone out by inviting them out to the movies on Monday. I wanted to get her out of the house and get her mind off of all the problems going on with her. I felt bad for her and I wanted to help. What did she do?  She didn’t like the movie choice so she said she wasn’t in the mood to go out at the moment. Fine…

What is she doing right now? Well, according to facebook, she’s going out with 3 good friends for ” date” and some food. Interesting.  It’s hard not to take that one personally.

This is the girl who also wants to be a published writer. She talks about it a lot but never puts any effort into it. She gets distracted too easily by stupid people and boys. One certain boy she hasn’t even met yet distracts her beyond reasoning. He’s not worth her time, won’t pay attention to when she wants to talk about serious topics, and only wants to “sweet talk” her to death.

Boys….

I don’t know what it is, but I just feel like I’m in the right place to really settle down and get a boyfriend. Sure, I’d love to have one, but I’m trying to focus on getting this book written and get it published. Boys are needy….

I started talking to one that I met on some social network (Facebook, I think..). He lives a couple of hours away. Sure, he’s nice. Yeah, he’s cute. But….. I don’t have the time to really interact with him. I think he’s the type who needs to be around the girl all the time.  I can’t handle that right now. I have my own things to deal with.

Maybe I just have a fear of  commitment…..eh…?

Let’s see, what else? One of my good friend’s soon-to-be ex-husband likes to attack my facebook when he gets drunk and angry. Gotta love dealing with angry photo comments at one in the morning because someone wants to have a drunk hissy fit.

I feel for my friend though. She’s having legitimate problems worthy of all the stress going on. There’s kid involved which complicates things even more.

Hmm…there’s more. Oh! My awesome betta fish, Telle, died the other night. It really broke my heart because he was great company while I was writing. He never made any distracting noises, stayed in one place.. it was great. Now, his empty bowl sits on my desk, depressing me even more. I really should put that away somewhere I can’t see it. Telle was my little buddy.

So, I’m thinking that I’m going to have to let certain friends deal with their own problems for once. They have to learn that they can do these things on their own without having me make all their decisions. It’s time to grow up and either make some mistakes or make some good choices. But, they have to do it on their own or they won’t learn.

Plus, I’m getting really tired taking on their stress along with what I have. My back is starting to break. I have my own work to do. Get focused and get stuff done. Just leave me out of it for once.