It’s been awhile since I’ve written in this blog. It’s not for lack of anything to write about. It’s more that I just couldn’t get the momentum to actually do it.
When winter hits, I don’t want to do anything. I guess I suffer from seasonal depression. I always thought that was just a big joke, but now… I don’t know. I’ve been depressed since November really and my anxiety has decided to rear it’s ugly head at me. I’ve suffered from an anxiety disorder for quite a few years now. I’ve always been able to get a handle on it and take care of it myself. Of course I have moments where I feel like I’m suffocating, but now I have tricks to get over it. That’s a start, I guess.
When I begin to get depressed and anxious, I get horrible mood swings. Then, I become withdrawn and I don’t want to talk to anybody. I haven’t talked to any of my friends in several days. I just don’t want to take it out on them. They have their own problems to deal with. I don’t want them to worry about me. I’ve always been the one to put aside my own issues to help them. But, right now, I’m so emotionally drained that I can’t focus on that right now.
My writing keeps me sane. It helps tune out the anxiety and the OCD. It makes it all go away for the time being. I can focus on my characters and what’s going on with them. Somehow, their problems ease my own. Not sure how that works, but I’ll take it.
Hopefully my friends understand my silence. It’s not intentional, but sometimes I just need my own space. I need time to clear my head and get over the funk.